Often; less now than in my younger years. I also see times in my past more clearly, times when I felt I was upholding the truths of the gospel, but in fact, I was denying them, hindering them. I wanted prayers of “accepting Jesus” from “converts” rather than genuine repentance. I often played the “Jesus didn’t really mean______” game, with his teachings on wealth, violence, self-defense, poverty, denying oneself, just like the Serpent in the Garden to Eve. “Did God really say…..?” I see now how wrong I was, how Jesus never said a word he didn’t mean, exactly the way he said it. He didn’t die so we wouldn’t have to; he died to show us how it’s done. What he wants…is repentance.
In my 58 years, I have allowed my eyes to see and hands to do things that I am terribly ashamed of, that still rear their foul heads and condemn me, snap at me, gnash their teeth at my mind, my soul, my emotions. I have hurt people in ways subtle and obvious, and while I never “denied God” outright, I lived for years a hedonistic life of practical godlessness. I have caused great sorrow. But I can humbly pray…
I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do: and I ask…you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God.
HOWEVER, whether anyone else forgives me or respects my conversion, I am, and shall forever be, so very grateful for a God, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, by his Holy Spirit, has forgiven me completely and brought me, welcomed me, like Peter, back.
The Prodigal Son. Painting by Geliy Korzhev
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